Saturday, February 28, 2015

Release Blitz feat Review:
Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia!!

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Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

Tiffany's Review:

WOW! That is neither a good wow, nor a bad wow. More like scratching my head in a “huh, what the hell did I just read wow?” I started Fire Down Below with little knowledge about the book other than having read the blurb and thinking it was a practical joke. I figured ah, what the hell? It sounds hilarious, I will give it a shot. It did not disappoint. It was so hilarious in some parts that I was quite literally rolling on the floor in laughter.

Fire Down Below is a story of unending, torturous embarrassment for our poor Heroine Dove Glitch. Her body and its functions have more issues than Playboy magazine. Everything from a yeast infection to a crotch set on fire by hair remover cream. The poor girl’s cooter couldn’t catch the much needed break nor could her fragile ego. The one thing I loved about her though was that she took all of her sh** in stride. She was witty around those she was comfortable with, especially Duke - her nosy, filled with gas neighbor/friend. Dove’s friendship with Duke was surprising and probably the highlight of the book for me.

This little snippet was definitely one of my favorites:

“You’re rocking the full monty? A fur bikini? A wheezing wildebeest? Well, I’ll be your fu**ing Hairy Plotter. Hold up.” Duke waddled around in his homemade craziness and returned quickly with a tube of what looked like lotion. “This here? I used it on my face. Seven minutes and I was slippery like a nipple in oil.”

I was quite possibly dead after that. I had tears streaming down cheeks from laughing so hard.

She was definitely a different person entirely in front of Johnson. She was so shy and stammered around her words so much with him that it was painful at times. She would have moments of clarity and blurt out things no one should ever hear and you just wanted to clamp her mouth shut with a stapler. I think that would have even been less painful.

Johnson Fitzwell loved his job as a pharmacist. He was gorgeous, knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and spoke far too loudly about Doves enflamed nether regions. Despite all of Doves stammering and unfortunate bodily function mishaps, he found her endearing. Real. He said plenty of times how much he loved that Dove had her flaws.

I wanted to wring his girlfriend Beth’s neck in more than one chapter. The chick was just gosh awful. It irked me a bit how he settled with her and let Beth drag him around by his balls.

When it came to Dove and Johnson, I unfortunately didn’t feel a lot of a connection. Other than him finding her charming and Dove thinking that Johnson hung the moon with his passion for his job and his gorgeous looks. I felt like Johnson was wishy-washy with his feelings and came off as a little bit of a pansy.

I greatly enjoyed the side characters. They were there, but didn’t take over the story, nor did they get lost in the pages. I kind of want to live in Doves apartment complex. I would never be at a loss of entertainment that’s for sure.

All in all this was a 4-star read for me. I liked it I found it hilarious. Lots of great dialogue and it kept a steady pace. Never a real lull in the story. A completely easy read that surprised the heck out of me. Debra Anastasia did a wonderful job of keeping me engaged with the story and characters. Every time Dove would experience something mortifying, I could actually feel myself cringe, blush and want to hide under a rock from embarrassment. She made the reader feel like they too were part of the story. I gave it 4 stars though, because it’s not a book I would normally be inclined to read. There were parts that although were funny started to feel a little repetitious. Duke could only fart so many times, before I screamed at my screen and shouted “oh for heaven’s sake we know he freakin’ farts like a whoopi cushion… nonstop, but enough is enough. Make him pick his boogers or scratch his nuts a little more instead.” Dove’s obsession with how gorgeous she thought Johnson was started to grate a little on my nerves as well. Still the writing was good and the characters were original and hilarious. There is a slight cliff hanger at the end, but it didn’t make me crazy. I will probably read the next book in the series, because my curiosity has got the best of me and I want to know how the story continues.

Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked,in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.

“I know it’s not soap. I just … if it’s scented … I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.

Mr.Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.

Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.

Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.

There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
           Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...

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